Syira's Life...

2010-07-21T03:06:00.001+08:00

I'm Getting FATTER....

elfy.. dun run away k?

2010-06-26T00:46:00.002+08:00

been a month since elfy staying wif us for some reasons.
well, mom and dad like him so much.
too much i guess.
mom started to talk abt the future.
mine of course.

she actually wanted elfy's side to come masuk minang quicky.
but. i objected it.
u know.. i jus finished sch.
i need to work.
its all about money.
me n elfy actually planned not to get engaged.
but since mom want it that way... hmmm
i dunno.
im jus not preapred for everythg.

2010-05-27T18:46:00.001+08:00

im super done wid NAFA.

grad show has over.

now....

results.......................

FIN.

2010-05-12T18:29:00.001+08:00

love.

2010-05-12T18:09:00.002+08:00

Im still alive.

been busy for ages.
as u know FYP... bla bla. bla.
it was shitty tho. when lecturers turned to 2 face bastards during the stage 3 of the assessments. the external assessor was a bitch too. ouh well. i didnt bother to go into details abt it. all i knew i did my best.. i gave my all out.i leave it to god for the rest.

graduation show will be held next week. and i think i need to get my stuff done. businesscards.. portfolio.. amendments of works... ya... and tomorrow will be the briefing. so i should get all the information down. not sure if we gonna exhibit our works in media or print form.. but.. arghhhh... my old laptop and hdd died on me. so most of my work is gone. sad isnt it. part and parcel of life. for my grad show...i decided nt to call my parents. bcos i dun see the point. mom is in her lala land. dad is being dad all the time. i've decided to call some of my close friends and my cuzin for the grad show. i guess most of my friends parents will be down. but what can i do. for sure im hoping that Elfy and sharul to come down. cos i know that they are my best supporter. n hopefully fizhan can make it as well.. these are the 3 guys that is soo important to me..

relationship seems to be a blust... i jus loves him soo much.. nothg else. can?
:D

2010-04-08T01:17:00.005+08:00

sudah puaskah kau menyakiti aku
sudah puaskah kau melukai aku
hingga ku kecewa
sudah puaskah kau mengkhianati aku
sudah puaskah kau mempermainkan aku
kini ku kecewa..

2010-04-06T01:35:00.002+08:00

it wasnt my intention to expose eveythg to peeps around me about ur bad.
but u keep on talking about ur suffering after i moved on wid elfy.
i was badly pissed off.
yup. 7 solid years i been keeping everythg to myself.
bcos i think u'r too much that day. n everyone keeps pointin at my fault.

now i guess,
they know the real story y i broke wid Dan.
so now u guys can stop pushing the blame to elfy.

im sorry to everyone who has got infected.
never a sec i though of exposing all that rubbish on that nite.

i guess its time for me to put myself first than thinkin about others.

2010-03-14T02:41:00.001+08:00

there's so much that i wish i can do
there's so much that i wish i can try.

but i know.... i cant do all that.

2010-03-11T04:33:00.003+08:00

coming to our 8th month together and we are still strong as ever.

clearly proven that my honeymoon period last longer than ur bitch.

hahaha!

life been great wid elfy around.

we met each other everyday.

i never wanted tho. he requested for it.

pity him at times..

i knew that he is tired frm work.

i wanted him to get enuf rest. but then he refused.

STUBBORN as ever.
im lookin forward to this coming saturday as the IT show is on.

i wanted to get a Blackberry for myself.

depends if the price is affordable.

hopefully.

i've put aside my FYP for quite a long period.

bcos i was focusing on other minor subjects which are due soon.

im totally done wid all the minor subject now.

time to focus FYP NOW!!!

shall start back later. :)

nite people. toodles.

2010-03-11T04:29:00.000+08:00

2010-03-07T03:12:00.001+08:00

Dear HEART,

Fall in LOVE when you're ready,
Not when you're lonely.

2010-02-22T01:22:00.002+08:00

my life have been ups and downs.

thanks to my mom.

i even thought of leaving his guy.

but this guy is so stubborn n not wanting to let me go.

he is firm as always.

im not confident enuf to have a family on my own in the upcoming future.

i dun want to follow my mom's foot steps

i wanted to live on my own.

tho i know its not the best solution...

and i know that is not what i want too.

deep in me...

letting him go wont solve anythg.

but it jus adds on to my pain.

fy... im sorry if i hurt u in so many ways.

really i have no intention to.

bt the situation that im facing forced me too.

but im glad tat u stay firm on ur decision on not letting me go.

im so lucky that i've found u.

ily. :)

2010-02-12T07:54:00.002+08:00

stage 1 of assessment has gone by.

all i can say is that it SUX MY ASS OFF MAN!

fuck!

ouh well i dun bother to go into detail abt it.

right after assessments dear picked me up.

i was such in a bad mood. really.

i was being bitchy and cranky.

but he was able to tolerate it tho.

i love u elfy. :D

2010-02-07T07:59:00.002+08:00

its 8am.

and i've not sleep yet.

i guess the feeling of dissapointment motivates me to work for my FYP.

Should i continue my work at home later

or..

go out and me him.

btw. i finished updating my proposal!!

woooooot!

more of sketches needed >.<

2010-02-07T02:06:00.002+08:00

been on several occation where i gave up my wants and needs. but do men really care abt it? besides ego, what else could it be? ouh well, cryin wont solve anythg.

stage 1 of FYP.

i hate it!

2010-02-04T01:54:00.000+08:00

I OFFICIALLY LOVESSSSSSS THIS FOTO!

2010-01-15T16:02:00.001+08:00

things are getting worse now.
i know that crying will not solve anythg.
but i dun know what to do now.

help.

2010-01-12T16:33:00.002+08:00

now. i need this guy badly by my side.

seriously this is my lowest point of my life.

i need u dear... i need ur shoulder to lean on.

2010-01-12T15:30:00.002+08:00

school term officially starts on 11 jan. but for year 3 students MONDAY is NO LESSON DAY! AWSUM! so ya..i jus got back frm sch. nothg much tho. i missed my old classmates tho! everythg was fine.

i was otw to sch on the mrt track... i was walking aimleessly. as if i got no route to go. everthg is so messed up now. only me and elfy know wats going on. ok get thgs clear.. IM NOT PREGNANT OK. hahhaha! maybe ppl thought the problem that im facing is abt getting pregnant. lol. some family issue tho. im so lost now. really. hais. i never been in this situation. never. when this happens i've no idea wat to do. whateva happens.. im really upset and disappointed wid u mom. really i do. i dun even know how to face u now.

2010-01-08T21:10:00.001+08:00

sometimes i jus dun understan. He is jus being secretive at times. I wish i could knw him more n i jus hope tat he would nt keep anythg frm me. Cos i reali love more n more each day. He jus...Mine! Belongs to me. I love u, GADDAFFI. I reali do.

2010-01-03T01:32:00.002+08:00

no doubt that im happily attached to him and my mom is HAPPILY happy about it. seems tat she likes him soooo much! >.<

i know that he loves me. and he know that i loves him too. but, deep in me, i got this feeling that maybe jus maybe that one day one of his ex might come back and wanting him back. and if it really happens... how am i suppose to handle the situation? dude.. i'm prepared to let him go. tho it hurts my ass off. but i guess letting ur love ones go and seeing them happy is the best that u can do. i keep asking him if that situation happens what will he do. he said tat he wont go back, he will jus stay by my side. sweet. but i jus felt insecured. cos i know that im not the hot chick out there. im not even close to the average gals too. guys go for looks. (gals will agree on this part. :>)

so what if i have to walk by myself on this beautiful and awesomely nice lane(above pic) by myself. wouldnt it be depressing enuf for me??

2009-12-28T13:00:00.002+08:00

i tink by having a Facebook account really pissed me off (due to some reason). hmmm ok bkn pissed off.. but jealous. >.<

tell u guys why..
my friends of MY AGE!!! da byk tunang and kawin! >.<
itu takpe babe, da APPLY RUMAH SAK!!!
KIWAKKKK!!! TK LE ANGS!! +.+

ok ok. i know it is only coming to 5 months im wid elfy. but then i felt that i've known him several years back.yea. im so madly in love wid him. i can jus stay under his armpit all the time? hahahha. ya... i know that i've not complete my studies yet. 6 more months to go people! then im free frm all this study world!! but still i need to fulfill my responsibilities as a daughter to my parents. tho, my mom has given me the green light.. but i know my responsibilities. she asked me and elfy to save up our money when we start working later on. seems like mummy has think far about us! :) ASWUM!

and yea. on 10 January 2010, a friend of mine getting married. he is also my parent's friend son. i really dun wish to tag along. u know later all the makcik2 there will ask u all tat bonus questions... like "ehhh.. da besar anak kau.. biler nak KAWIN?" wtfff ok! I hate it. and knowing that some of my married friends will come down.. im really hesitate to go. >.<
dorg ingat kawin ni cam pondok2 ehh? suker2 nak kawin!!!????

2009-12-28T01:32:00.002+08:00

ok. I think he will kill me if he saw me posting up his pic in uniform. but seriously dude. OMG.. each time we met each other, and he was wearing his uniform... I WILL DROOLLL!!

ok fine. i admit that i got this "gile babi syndrom" each time i saw nicely dressed-up mat police or mat CD. wooooot! i can jus stand there for hours looking at them! SERAM KAN! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHA! others might thought that im some crazy lady terlepas frm IMH! lol!

ok! IM IN LOVE WID THIS GUY WID NOOO REGRETS!

Muhammad Gaddaffi bin Mohammad dun u dare run away from me and go to ur Siti Nurhaliza. if that happens... i will hunt u down.. bakar ur motor tinggalkan u satu nut aje. what else.. and ya become hantu and hunt u downnnnnnnnnn! >.< (ok mcm scary)

2009-12-26T00:41:00.002+08:00

mom asked me if elfy wanna tag along for window shopping.

actually we wanted to go to Expo since my Taufik having a performance there.

But then she is too lazy. so we changed our plan n head down to Orchard. Elfy was quiet. nervous sak member. overall my mom like him. :) Positive sign. :)

baby...

i jus wanna say thanks. for following us. it was a nice feeling having u by my side wid my mom along. ouh well, she likes u more than she likes me. :( hahahaha. i really want our relationship to go far. like what we planned. i want to settle down wid u.. have ur kids.. and jus be by urside. :) i love u dear... i really do. :)

2009-12-21T15:43:00.002+08:00

i've not been well this few weeks for no reason. no idea y. could be the change of weather. ouh well.. been on meds for few days now. i jus hate them. :( new year is jus around the corner. and i dun know whats my new year resolution gonna be... maybe do well in my FYP. no slacking around like now.. what else... ouh ya.. MORE $$$$$$$$$$. hahahaha!

sometimes i dun get it when u said that i cant accept my mistakes. maybe after what u have told me i jus prefer to be a lil quiet and reflect it back on myself. maybe u thought that im jus upset or even throwing my tantrum all over. but no. i dunno what else to say. sometimes it really disappoint me to c u reacting this way.

2009-12-07T16:57:00.002+08:00

thks to this lil guy..

now.. im OFFICIALLY MAKCIK.

hehe.

love him la..

Mohd Eikal Naim.

2009-12-07T02:03:00.002+08:00

it been months since my last update. besides my assessments which ended weeks ago. i was damn busy replacing my beauty sleep which i lost them due to late nite work. hahaha.

things been great ever since. being wif elfy has open-up my mind and thoughts towards other life. i guess i should be greatful or... no i have to be greatful that i was born into this family where almost everthg is perfect. its totally a different situation whenever im wid him. its jus hard to explain, but i glad that i got to learn new stuff abt life wid him.

and ya. after assessments, i went to KL wid him. its jus a mini get-away kind of trip which i think i deserved it. my 1st ever overseas trip w/o my parents. hahahah! i love him! too lazy to go into detail about the trip. hahahah!

ok fine.. jus random. hahhahaa! btw, giving birth is such an ass pain. cos im cuzin jus gace birth to cute lil boy. n i knw it hurts. can the baby jus drop down frm sky? plsssssss!

2009-11-19T07:30:00.000+08:00

off to KL in few hours..
im so SEXCITED :D

2009-11-18T01:19:00.002+08:00

i know that we been together for only 3 months.

but i think i only know 20% of his life.

i dunno if i've the rite to ask him anythg about his personal life.

being wif him is greatest and enjoyable moment.

but i do need to know more about him.

i jus dunno how to start.really.

:( ouh ya.

im going to KL wid elfy this thursday. :D

ily,elfy...

2009-10-08T03:10:00.000+08:00

Elfy & Meam i happy?

Jealousy really kills.

2009-09-17T14:58:00.002+08:00

i jus dun get it. y people around me treat me as if i got no feelings. is it a sin for me to move on? y did people around us have to react this way? if they want to feel being loved, need someone to be by their side, need someone to share their joy and laughter... i need it too. it is really a sin for me to be wid elfy? or jus that bcos elfy is adan's bro.. i cant b wid him? y do people around have to react this way yesterday?

how i wish i could let all this go. i seriously thinkin of letting elfy go. people around me acts like i have to think abt their feelings more than i have to think abt mine. which means that i cant think abt myself then!

seriously falling in love is the painful thg in life.

2009-09-17T01:43:00.000+08:00

can i jus let elfy go too? i cant bare all this nonsense.

2009-09-16T01:18:00.002+08:00

people around me has taken my silence for granted. im trying very hard not to start up a fight or a debate wif any party. but jus then, that person took things for granted and started to blog about this issue. i think if people around only listern to only part of the story which is his part, ppl might think that im at fault. so here i am. firmly on my own feet.. will explain wats going on! im going to let all out now. no more secrets. cos im got enuf of people taking advantage out of my kindness.

yea me and adan got our relationship ended off. bcos of?? hahaha! there's afew reasons y. i betta i keep it to myself for this part. and ya. im in relationship now. wid elfy. yea. elfy.. adan's bro. the one that we usually hang out around. surprise? hahaha! me too.

let me get this straight here. i was all the way sincere wid adan when i was in the relationship. nvr once i thought im gonna look for a replacement. i thought he was the one for me. all the shit that he did. all that nonsense.. i mananged to tolerate it. for the past 7 years i kept everythg to myself. noone knows whats going on. noone. jus on that fine day. u pissed me off terribly. that i thought that u would ask for forgiveness right after that. but i was wrong. u took 2-3 fucking days to contact me back. not asking for forgiveness. still wid ur ego... u tried to make things worse again. fine.. nearing to my bday.. u decided to ask for forgiveness. by then its too late. that i when i met elfy without any intention. elfy wanted to meet me bcos he need my help for his sister wedding. i thought it would be a great idea to meet him to and jus to share my problems. not more than that.

yes i did admit in my previous post tat both me and elfy did a mistake. but u know the reason y. we have no intention of it. after 7 yrs of fights and more fights.. i think i left no more strength to continue the relationship with him. my heart shattered into millions of pieces each time he treat me that way. i dunno how many nites i cried bcos of him. i also gave up everythg tat i hab now. i still remembered how u painful ur words are each time u called me or msg me. each time u called me we would end up into another fight another miscommunication. but then, each time that happpens, elfy was there by my side. he tried to console me in everyway he can. his small gesture really moved my heart. that is when i started to fall for him.

i cant accept the way u blogged. u mention that he stole me away frm u. me and elfy decided to be a couple after we have broke up. not when i was with u. u said too much on ur blog which i seriously cant accept it. if u seriously loved me. u wouldnt have keep hurting me every now and then. u would have treasure me. u would have take good care of me. is it a sin for me to be wif elfy?? y. .y r u acting this way? i know each time we fight we would have this tiny break up. which later on we would be back together again. but not now. i have given u plenty of time for u to change. i keep hurting myself each time i went back to u. is it wrong for me to move on? i dun think so... i know that u cant accept it bcos im wid ur bro. ur bro that u have trusted so much.

i have always thought that even tho we already broke up. we could at least respect each other decision. not only that.. i thought u would have learnt from ur mistake. i thought u would be a mature man to think about all this back.

seriously.. think back what u have blogged. he never once back stepped u. he even tried me talked to me to go back with u. but it was me hu refused. im not side-ing him bcos he is my guy now. but this is the fact, which i think u should know. he is the one who wiped way my tears each time we fight.. the hurtful words u thrown to me. he was the one hu craft the smile back each time i frowned.

as for now. let me carry on wid me life. same goes to u. hopefully that 'tagged' gal can replace me. hoepfully u r happy. if things got worse i might be gone for good. im serious.

to all readers out there. its up to u to jugde me. if u are in my shoes... u might do the same thing to. u might have left him earlier.... u might not be able to tolerate all this for 7 yrs. well i have. and that's it.

whateva gonna happened next.. i jus leave it to god. he knows whats the best.

by blogging about this issue. i dun need anyone to be on my side. i jus what people to have a clearer picture. and stop pin-pointing fingers at me or even elfy. ok get it folks?

2009-09-15T00:31:00.001+08:00

Lets make it OFFICIAL HERE!
yes!
im attached!

to????
lets stay tune to the next episode!
wahahhahahaha!

2009-09-02T21:55:00.000+08:00

can i smile throughout my entire life?

2009-08-27T00:40:00.003+08:00

there's nothg much left to say when it is all over.
everywhere is messed up!
no room to breath.
i have decided to carry on my journey, and carry myself away frm everyone tht i know.
to an unnotice world and loneliness world of mine.
let me start anew with this empty heart.
this is what we call fate.

im done.
right here, right now.

2009-08-17T10:24:00.001+08:00

Someone DEMAND AN UPDATE!
hahahahah.
ok fiza! here we goooo!

school been mad ever since.
i jus dun get it y some assignments are due b4 week 7!
like shit ok!
so ya. i been tryin to complete my work on time.. trying very hard.
BUT GOT ALOT OF DISTRACTIONS!
hahahaha! :D

ouh ya..
hmmm.. now..
im back single after 7 years.
its not easy tho.
getting back on ur own feet.
but i guess sometimes its betta that u let it go b4 u toture urself more ahead.
yea.. i been crying for nites.
rolling over in my bed.
it is really painful. but.. nvm.

kadang aku sendiri tak fhm.
kenapa tk dari dulu dier berlembut ngan aku?
kenapa baru skg nak buat baik?
and now...trying to be egoistic!
ahhh..
susah la!
1st of all, i jus wana say that i broke up wid him not bcos of Elfy.
he should know the reason betta.
yea.. me ngan elfy ada buat salah. but not as bad as urs
b4 u did worse than me!
not once but twice.
but why can i forgive u at that point of time?
have u ever thought y?
now if he wants to busuk kan my name.
fine go ahead...
cos i know, if ppl would know ur true colors they might think bad abt u.
and i dun want that to happen to ya.
i thought kalau kita da break we can remain as frens like wht u requested.
nahhhh... i think all that doesnt make any diff.

so ya...

im single
but nt avaliable.

:)

2009-07-30T17:30:00.002+08:00

i felt the train moving so slow today.
slower than the speed then usual.
i felt that i walked so fast.
faster then usual.
i felt that my life is betta without taking anythg too serious.
i prefer like this.
but im not so sure how long can i stand it.

once u r serious in somethg ur choice tend to be limited.
thats how i think.
i jus want to loose out everythg.
i have much more important stuff in my life not.
which i think i might not take it seriously also.

i dun wanna to be weak like b4.
keep on crying every now and then
noone appreciate it. noone.
nevertheless, while typing this out, my heart felt the pain.
i hope this is the last time i feel like this.

i came across these phrase from one of my friend's facebook which say: there is no such thing as i will be with u till the end.

i seriously think it is true.
guys out there. think b4 u say anythg. u might end up hurting urself back.

2009-07-27T22:36:00.002+08:00

(BE WARNED! THIS POST GONNA FULL OF EMOTIONS, DEPRESSION AND WHATEVA 'SION' THAT SOON GOONA REVEAL!)

im not so sure if im the only one feeling like this. or am i jus being to emotional. jus that no matter how long u r in a relationship, there's a point that u felt FUCKING pissed off of what ur partner did. then u tend to forgive him after what he did to ya. but then, he keep repeating his mistakes. ended up u r the one who is suffering deep in u.
people might think.. "hey syira.. wow! ur relationship lasted for 7 yrs and still going..(i hope it will come to an end soon) what ur secret? hey.. sweet couple sia!'' fuck all that ok! do people actually know how suffocate im. true. i mean i doesnt mean for the past 7 yrs im not happy la. jus that if he keep repeating the same mistake over and over again. what should u?

1st of all, im not a doll where people can push me around and treat me like one kind of shit! people around might have called me names...whateva shit. i know that they were jus joking around. but hey! common' know ur limits. learn when to stop!

i jus.... felt so disappointed now! very. when u have ur guy around sometimes u jus wanna feel been loved. gals hates the most when guys starting to compare between her and other gals. that is the basic that all guys should know. even when a guy stare at other gals looking at their boobs and booty she might get pissed off. not in the sense of getting angry but... argghh! nvm forget it!sometimes all u want is for ur guy to appreciate u.. thats all :)

actually... i dun really understand wat i was typing and tryin to convey the msg. but all i know...
i been keeping my feelings deep in me. how that someone treated me... everythg.

u tried to be the best gf in the world. follows wat he says... jus for him.. u gave everythg u got. and he's happy. but jus once.. ONCE... u do not agree on what he wants...he get sooo pissed off and treat u as if u r invisible. sometimes, he jus dun get it y u say no. y u said.. im sorry... i cant follow u. i have ur reasons.. u explained to him. but he jus ignore u. how would u feel? in front of his friends he showed u that attitude and put u to a shame. ur pride were gone in instance.

to that someone out there.
1st of all, once again i apologise to u. for not following wat u said. i have my reasons. fights and more fights we got. and im sick and tired of all this.im sure u do. i know im not a perfect gal. i know that very well.i dun have the body like other gals do have. i got fats around my body.. tummy... legs.. name it i got it. i cant be that slim gal tat u saw at tv that u mention to ur sis. and im also a disable gal who have kneecap probs every now and then. at this age ppl might laughing at me bcos of the stupid kneecap prb that i have! i knoww.. i know it very well. im nothg but jus a burden to you.
again, u got nothg to lose. u got wonderful frds around u. ur bros, ur budak moto, budak camp. name it u got it. im jus a small bacteria compared to them.
seriously i have no energy to continue to fight wid u. hence, i jus back off silently from u and everyone around u. i think now u should hab know y didnt i reply to ur msg and ur calls.

senang ckp.. da merajuk da bingit da tak kuasa lagi.

now, u dun have to worry abt me anymore. no more. :) u have more time for ur bros, budak moto, budak army... ur family.... i stepped down....

suddenly, my heart feel soo hurt. my tears started dropping one by one.
what does it mean? hais..

this is my life... my story that never ending.....

2009-07-26T00:21:00.002+08:00

i dunno when is it gonna end.
it is soo hard to put a full-stop to it!
in someways i jus need him to jus respect the decision that i hav made.
every step that i took, has it is own reasons.
aint for fun.

i jus need him to grow up and be more matured a lil more.
the fact that i been swallowing all these shits behaviour!
it jus get down to my nerves!
FUCK!

in a week i only met him twice.
due to his NS.
theres nothg that we can do abt it
all i want is to spent that 2 days nicely.
do he hab any idea how lonely it was to be all alone by myseld the entire week?
do he hab any idea how i wish that everyday is a friday so that i can meet him?
do he hab any idea that i wish his trip to India gonna be cancel?
do he?
i dun think so...

now i know y gals cheat their bf when they r in Army.
even so.
i didnt to that thg to him!
i waited for him patiently for his return.
i jus cant stand fighting wid him whenever we meet!!!!
if that is the case, it betta he jus stay inside his camp forever sia!
or let it off!
i jus dun want to go through the whole process of uncontrolled emotions every now and then!

i hope i make myself clear.
if u think i cant do what other gals r doing.
let me go!
SERIOUSLY.. LET ME GO!
im tired.
im really really tired........
its betta for me to go through it now.. then later..

2009-07-23T00:37:00.002+08:00

its only day 3 of school.

and i feel sooo damn tired lor.

maybe i pampared myself too much during the holidays.

i should get my ass off working things out now!

more and more projects are coming in right now.

some even due on the 3rd week!

WTF?

by the way.. jus for ur info.

Adan's court cases has finally ended.

both cases in the family court and subordinate court...

his father decided to take back the cases lor!

i felt good for him. :)

at least now he can work in peace.

he gonna go INDIA again!

1st October.. for a month!

ish!

but at least while he is at India.

he dun have to worry anythg abt those stupid cases anymore!

P.S: i love YOU!

2009-07-20T07:08:00.002+08:00

The Usual Us.

ok.. come somethg random nw. we might be going for Treetop hiking this sat!

yey!

wid this clan of people of course.

but wonder if Khat and Zai following along.

school gonna start in 5 hrs time.

and i slept for only 1 or 2 hours.

YEAR 3... HERE I COME!!

2009-07-15T07:30:00.002+08:00

I think i did mention about my bestie Engagement that falls on 11 July 2009. So for those who wondering who she is.. ehhh wait! i did post a photo of her right? ahahhahaha! ok btw..

Here she is!! SITI NADIAH!!

She looked so PRETTY!!

i jus love the outfit and her makeups and her hairdo!

High school Bestie. ahahahah!

we skip class together

we dance together.

we get mad at each other!

get jealous of each other.

copied each other hw!

sharing problems is a must!

CONGRATULATIONS BABE!

love and miss ya babe! :)

when will my turn comes? ahahahaha!

2009-07-03T01:30:00.002+08:00

therapy session wasnt a great thing to do! and i hate it to the core! it is sooo painful at times. next session will be on 15/7/09.. hais.. it might be the last time im gonna go for the therapy.. it doesnt make any changes tho. my leg is still in pain as usual. so ya. im jus wasting my $$$$. not mine $$$$ but my parents... so yea. the motive of the therapy is to lossen up my leg muscles. hais!

2009-07-01T03:22:00.001+08:00

im soo sorry for the late update..

and...
yey!

I DUN NEED THE OP!!

but
i do need to go for the painful therapy :(

off to bed... therapy session at 9.30!

2009-06-25T23:32:00.002+08:00

tomorrow is the day..
where the result will be reveal!
if there is a need for me to OP..
or otherwise...

stay tune for the update tomorrow..

check up will be at 9.30am..
hais.. so early ler!!!!

2009-06-25T00:45:00.011+08:00

As requested by our Ms. Fiza..
yea. i update now.
so my post will be about My MRI scan and outing wid bros.
here we goo......

As i mention earlier during my previous post..
i was schedule for my MRI scan on the 12/6 @ 2PM.
OF COURSE..
my beloved dad sent me ler.
but then dier gi sembayang jumaat dulu.
so he stoppped me at Queensway Shopping center.
asked me to grab my own lunch and window shopping..
i was so tempted to go ikea which is sooo nearby..
but.. i only gt 6 pennies wif me.. so betta forget it.. hahahah!
so i gt my meals.. and walked around the shopping center.
btw, there were alot of MAT CD.
since the firepost is nearby.
ahahhaha cuteeeee.. hmmm.
ok nvm.

so i walked back slowly to the hospital.
my dad asked me to wait for him at the lobby.
so it was already 2pm..
my dad lum sampai..
i was looking out for him ler.
i did msg him telling him that im at the lobby.
it was 2.10pm i was him running towards the lobby...
sooo sweet sak..
:)

ok.
register my name..
bla bla bla..

so.. this is the machine that i spent 30 mins in it!!

i wasnt able to move or even shake my ass!

cramp sak!

the machine was super noisy sia!

lucky they gimme some music to listern to!

Alexandra Hospital hospitality and service was great man!

so guess now much should i pay for this 30 mins scanning??

$399.85 after government subsidy?!!

actual price was... $799.70!!!! ok??

so ya. i would only know the result on 26/6.

which is this friday.

depends if i need surgery or jus therapy..

and.. my dad will be accompany me AGAIN!!!

(Actuallykan.. aku malu tau ayah aku ikut.. jus malu.. :( hahaha.)

And so the next day.

me and my usual clan decided to have a mini-outing at bugis.

our beloved frd Affan..

tak pernah gi Esplanade nye rooftop!

ada ke patut..

dier ingat kita duduk kat duri2 tu!

hais!

susah ada kawan selenger cam dier ni!

ahahahahah!

so before heading to Esplanade. we had our breakfast/lunch/dinner at Victoria Restaurant! alah kedai mamak yg jual murtabak sedap tu! so here. me & Adan exchange our shades! ok. i seriously think that i overly dressed on that day! glamor sgt! chey!!!!

Our Mr.Adan. maybe dier lapar sgt agaknye! pasal tu jadi cam ni! isk!!!

The highlight of the day!! or.. COUPLES OF THE DAY!!!

Adik aku yg pakai baju color brown! dier ni kalau da jumpe si Affan.. ada tk betol sikit! yg si Affan ni pulak.. cam gay sikit! ahahahaha! padahal da ada gal!

ni la budak2 tak betol! semua tk mkn ubat sebelum kelua! isk!!

Our Group pic before heading down to Esplanade!

i got a story to tell. while we were at Esplanade. as usual we chill around. suddenly we were surrounded by SSB. there were abt 20 officers around us! makes us looked like criminals! they decided to check upon us ler. dunno for what! they are tracking of some stupid gangsta around there. but the thg is.. asal kita pulak yg kena raid? ouh well. i dun care. i totally forget that inside my bag there were msia cigg and chewing gums. damn! and they belongs to my idiot bro! so i kena check.. the lady officer was ok ler. she jus asked to throw the cigg. the cigg was not contraband ones. Adan went to JB the night b4. he followed Afiq to repair his bike. ahahah. so the last part ler.. i was the last person the officer called to give him my particulars.

Malay Officer: Nama u Syahirah ehh?

Me: Yea..

Malay Officer: U school mana? (manja + ngada2 way)

Me: ....emm.. NAFA...

Malay Officer: ur number hp??

Me: 94398***

Malay Officer: ur home pulak??

Me: 6363****(dalam hati.. bole mampos ni officer)

Malay Officer:.. ok.. ur guy ada kat sini?

Me: ADA!! NI!!!!(POINTS AT ADAN)

ahahahah! Adan was right beside me. he was giving him his muker tak perlu! cis. ahahaha! kelaka sak! and the best thg. the officer only asked me if im attached or not! wakakakakak! and he also asked Affan if he got any tattoo! i was like.. wtf? Affan was one of the innocent guy. hahahah! jus bcos he wears long-sleve top doesnt make him have a tattoo! stupid!

ok .. thats all for the entry..

will update on my check-up on friday yea? :D

2009-06-12T02:34:00.002+08:00

ok come update!

A bestie of mine...

SITI NADIAH.. will be getting engaged on 12/7/2009..

CONGRATULATIONS BABE!

so below is her and her guy..

she told me this great news weeks ago,

but i didnt gt the time to blog abt it.

i tried to find picture of both of us together..

but..

cannot ler.

im too nerd for it?

sorry babe! i stole ur pic frm facebook.

wah..
most of my friends are either married or engaged.
i guess im the one left out!
ahahah!
i still got responsibilities to shoulder.
yea..

what if one day all my hopes and dreams wanting to be wif him is only a dream. not more than a dream? how would i handle it?

anyway NADYA...
CONGRATULATIONS!

I promise i'll be there the day u get engaged!
im so execited!!! hehe!

2009-06-10T13:53:00.002+08:00

i once promise you that..
i would cook for you.
i would iron ur uniforms for you.
i would wait for u for dinner.
i would share Ben & Jerry wid ya.
we would go out in the middle of the nite jus to search for food.
we would sit side by side playing games together.
i would feed ur hamsters.
i would wait for ur return every nite...

are we capable of doing all that in the future?
i wonder.

2009-06-10T00:33:00.004+08:00

Spent the whole day cleaning up my dusty room. let the pic do its part...

BEFORE
AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

Off to bed..

going for therapy later.. at 10am

2009-06-07T03:03:00.002+08:00

we supposed to meet around 2 i guess. i was late wid valid reasons. my leg is acting up. and my dad came back home early. he called up while im at home. i was explaining to him. and he jus put down the phonecall. i was like... hmmm.

as expected.. he gave me his fucking attittude all the way. i calm down myself by doing some reading. i know that he is hungry and havent had his lunch. i asked him to follow me to get some food. but he rejected. my bro talked to him.. and yea. he followed. but left me half way. i was walking like one retarded gal jus now. my kneecap acted up jus now. its reallly2 painful. but he jus ignore. i got for him some lunch..w/o getting mine. he refused to eat. i jus place the food nicely beside him. maybe he is ashamed to have a gal like me. maybe. i was staring at the food that i bought for him... i was typing out a draft on my hp.. asking for break up. a real one (ok i know u ppl must have this thoughts like.. she always said that she wants a break up.. but nvr breakup one... hahahah! i know) i was trying to find the suitable words and suitable sentences to express my thoughts. i save it.. as a draft. only after 3 hrs.. he ate up the food. all the dissapointement was gone at that point of time. knowing that he still wants to eat the food that o bought for him. :)

i was asking like a fool trying to strike a conversation wid him. i put aside my ego and my feelings. i approched him asking him if he know how to play mario game.. the older version that i jus downloaded yesterday. pretending.. i dunno how to play the game..he teaches me. i was happy. but only for a lil while.

reached home. he called me up. asking him a simple question.. could start a fight. yea we fight. i was lack of strength to fight out wid him. all i did was talked nicely to him. nah.. very hard to express myself. nvm, our phone call jus end like that. i dunno.. if he put down the call.. for sure i didnt put down. but i did ask for him a break up. he said all i know is to ask for break up. he asked me to find the solution all by myself. ya.

everything is my fault. i did nothg good. nvr once i did somethg right. im always the black sheep.

whateva going on next.. i dun care. maybe he is toturing me.. so that i can die early. hahaaha! i dun mind. cos i feel so hurt inside. i dunno how many stitches are there inside my heart now. jus imaging adding salt to the wound. that is how i felt now. i feel so weak. hais.....

i might be going for gym or a jog next week alone. jus to cool myself. i dun want to ask anyone to tag along cos im so scare that i cant make it at the very last min. and ppl might thought i pangseh them.

i got enuf things to take care off now. i got no mood to entertain another shit!
(jus random)

my bed is calling me. gd nite ppl! :) have a blessful life...

2009-06-06T01:47:00.003+08:00

hey ya.

Wat im gonna blog abt
jus thoughts.
mixed feelings.
its somethg that hard for me to express it to someone.
including him.

i dunno..
should i cry?
should i get upset?
should i throw my tantrum at him?
should i get bored over him?
should i jus ignore him?

i don't know is it me.
but i find him ridicules at times.
we hardly spent time together.
we hardly talk on the phone.
we hardly go out together.

im tryin to talk things out with him.
try to make things work out.
but i didnt get anythg back in return.
instead all i got is his devil temper.
his talk backs!
i just can stand all that.

oh god.. im tearing up again.

look.
i nvr what him to treat me like princess or whateva shit ya.
all i need is jus the time spent.
thats all.
while im blogging now.
guess what.
he is out with his friends.
out to somewhere.
i cant even bother ask!
and tomorrow he got some interview thgy going on at 11.30 am.
for sure he gt not enuf sleep.
and therefore he will throw him tantrum everywhere at me!
i can bet that wid u all!
so ya.. i've to get mentally prepared for tomorrow.

for now i dun even bother to make a phone call to him no more.
im too sick and tired of his sucky attitude.
im too upset over him.
here i am tryin to fix things out.

he wanted me to be there
wherever he go.
but how abt me?
when i need him...
where is he?
i followed him to court for his cases.
i followed him to every single places that he wants me to.
i did every single thing that he want me to.
ahhhh...

i jus hate he way he react.
jus hate the way he says things to me
it hurts so badly.
but i still put on a smile and pretend nothg happened.
but does he know how much it hurts.

he felt tired after work.
wanting to go home for a rest.
but going out wif friends despite feeling tired?
wth?
he gotta rush things off to go back to camp.
so. he got no time to spent wid me.
but he can spent more time wif frds and family.
i cant deny that family is important.
but...
hmm nvm.

if u (readers) are here.
u might c how dishearten i am
how hopeless i am now.
how weak i am now.
while typing out every single word...
im felt so weak.
my hand shivers.
my eyes hurts.
my heart felt the pain.

Adan..
its really hard to get to u now.
if u jus came across this entry,
im sorry if the way i blogged might hurt u.
but this is the way i feel.
its hard for me to express it to you
cos we might.. no always end up wid a fight.
i find that we cant communicate anymore.
u might not realise whats going on.
but.. im the one who is going through all this by myself.
if there is no solution towards this problem.
its betta to let it go
then me suffering all alone without u realising.
jus that i find it unfair.
im sorry once more.

i've already spoken
our love is broken..

(while blogging, im crying.. my hands really shivers..my heart really feel the pain...) sorry for being too emotional..

2009-06-02T02:06:00.002+08:00

come come..
listern to my daily update!

ok.
i suppose to have interview for internship thgy jus now..
(1 june 2009,Mon)
but cancel.
bring forward to the followin day.

actually..
let me be frank.

i sooo lazy to work.
soooo lazy to do this internship thgy.
but im so lucky.
i have my love ones by my side to encourage and discourage me.

thanks to..
fiza(NAFA)-help me out wit the resume and coverhead thgy. she also recommanded some place for the internship thgy! thx babe!
zuldevil-encouraging me to go for it. n has been my personal consultant? ahahahh! thx bro!
fizhan (lil bro)-he encourage me not to go tho! thx bro! :(

lastly
MR.ADAN!: all he said is up to me! best kan!! all i need is opinoin dear! haiyo!!

wish me luck ppl the interview 2morrow or should i say later?!
it will be held in sch!
will be interview by 3 lecs!!
shiok!!!!

will update abt the happening later!!!

seriously...im scared!!!

2009-05-29T13:36:00.002+08:00

hey peeps.
i jus got back from Alexandra Hospital.
lemme share the whole journey out and what happened jus now.

left the house early around 7 plus i guess.
dad's driving.
so need to be early yea.
was on the way dad asked me what time is my appointment.
i said 10!
he was..
we r wayyy early!
therefore, we headed down to Adam rd.
BREAKFAST!
For those who dunno me.
i cant take breakfast.
i will ended up vomiting!
guess what i gt myself NASI LEMAK ppl!!
wah!! shiok!!!
while heading back to hospital..
inside the lorry.. i was giddy..
i told my mom i need to vomit!!!
ahahaha
but i didnt!
control.. control.

and so we reached the hospital.
met the doc.
she was super sweet and nice!!!
she told me to get my x-ray done.
so headed down to the x-ray department.
that's when my school called me.
i've submitted my resume for internship.
n Denise the one incharge called me up.
after explaining to her abt what was the situation.
she asked me to return a call if my OP date has been decided.
so after x-ray headed down back to the consultation room back.
she told me that my kneecap ball is longgar/loose. ahahahah!
so she suggested for the mean time to go for therapy.
then i have to get MRI done..
and need to get back for consultation.
ahahah

10 June 2009 @ 10am - Therapy Session 1
12 June 2009 @ 12nn- Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI)
26 June 2009 @ 9.30am- Results for the MRI cum Consultation

FUN SIA!!
i really hate the time slot cb!
like wth ok?

so for the internship thgy
i decied to take up
yea rather then waste time at home betta do somethg useful!
appointment wise.
shouldnt b any problem.....

hmmmm.....

2009-05-29T03:34:00.002+08:00

I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointin' out my wrongs
i never needed pain,i never needed strain.
My love for you was strong enough you should've known.
I never needed you for judgement
I never needed you to question what i spent
I never asked for help,
I take care of myself,
I don't know why you think you got a hold on me.

And it's a little in the conversations
There isn't anything that you can say.
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver, so look at me and listen to me because,

I don't want toStay another minute
I don't want you
To say a single word
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
There is no other way I get the final say
BecauseI don't want to
Do this any longerI don't want you
There's nothing left to say
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
I've already spoken
Our love is brokenBaby
Hush Hush

2009-05-29T03:03:00.002+08:00

here i am again!
cant sleep.
feels like crying.
but whats the reason?
anybody can tell me y? can?

my heart feel sooo hurt.
its not aching
but jus then...
it hurts..
soooo badlyyy.
y do i feel this?

2009-05-29T00:18:00.004+08:00

i feel like expressing my thoughts and feelings. jus then i dunno how to begin and where to end.i dunno if it is jus my fault or my thoughts. sometime i wish i could jus let it all go. so that i could breath freely. i dunno is it so hard or does it take alot of effort for jus a phone call?
i do agree sometimes a lil tiny mistake could lead to a disaster in a relationship. bcos we r used to that routine that we lead. 7 yrs old relationship, theres alot of stuff that we went through. but now i do have the fear. fear of being alone. what if one day.. this relationship really ends? what should i do next? who am i going to eat wid? who gonna fetch me from sch? who would accompany me go printing for my assessments? who? most of all who will tolerate my behaviour? its jus my thought. random. nothg serious.
ah! nvm.
betta keep it to myself

anyway!
2morrow!
or later.. hmmm
im heading down to Alexandra Hospital for my kneecap check-up.
sad thg is my dad applied for leave.
which means me and mom cant go window shopping after that.
but hey!! look at the bright side!
my dad will be treating us a meal!
c where he is goin to bring us to later!
and ya..
i have this thought of capturing every moment.. not really every moment some fun part of visitng the hopital. hahaha. if kena OP.. i try to video it too!
should be fun!!!
ahahahah..

ok. gd nite ppl!
have a nice day!

2009-05-28T23:54:00.007+08:00

As promised..

gym pics!

c how hard i work!!!

for this one.

actually i cant reached the bar!!

need to stand up!

and pull down the bar :(

zul was laughing at me at that point of time ~.~

Trying to capture the football player!

really some really hansom!

tired and stoning look!

have fun laughing at me!

2009-05-28T00:40:00.002+08:00

hey ya!
i went to the gym jus now wid Cuzin Zul.
hell ya!
my 1st time ok?
gym pics are wif zul tho.
gym wasss super fun tho!
did the cycling thg.. then treadmill.
what else?
ouh i did the weight thgy for my arms.
ahaha
too heavy for me.
must go there more often tho!
cos if u have a gym buddy.
u aint realise the time and amount of energy fats been burnt.
so who wants to gym wid me?
anyone?

and i suggested that we go for 1 round of jog cum walk after gym session.
and yea!!!
hehehehe
we did it.

Come come! Camwhore!

While walking.. YES walking..
i took this!
ahahaha!

2009-05-26T18:37:00.002+08:00

i jus realise that im super duper active over at my facebook.
taking all the stupid quizes.

kind of dilema now,
i have volunteer to help out in the Diploma Show later.
but i dun haf the feeling like going tho!

should i go? shouldnt i go?

2009-05-13T01:54:00.003+08:00

Things that i need desprately..

1. Britney Spears Perfume
2. Lots of tops
3. Lots of Jeans
4. Make-up foundation
5. Eye-Liner
6. Mascara
7. New MP3
8. Shoes/Sandals/Slippers
9.Watch
10. Coloured-contact lenses.

and...
more...

2009-05-11T01:28:00.004+08:00

Went to Sentosa wid Adan.

A treat after completion of my Assessments

GREAT DAY!!!

enjoy those pics~.~

2009-05-08T15:20:00.002+08:00

morning peeps!!
yea.. i jus woke up!
dun blame me...
blame NAFA.
make us work long hours..
now is pay back time

and ya.
i might be away for sometime.
to somewhere.
nah.. it's still in spore.
i will tell u guys when is it..
and y im going there too

cheers!

2009-05-08T01:39:00.000+08:00

im modifing my bloggie.

might take sometime.

stay tune:)

2009-05-05T21:38:00.002+08:00

HEY PEOPLE..
im back again!
i was really2 busy wif assessments..
and yah! finally its all over bitch!
wakakaka.

there were alot of issues going on all this time.
trust..
fairness..

sometimes u feel super duper unfair.
sometimes u dont get it.

nvm..
i jus let it out.

ok..
me and adan.
it beenn quite awhile.
i been noticing it.
sometimes when he is in trouble.
i would give him advices..
telling him what's the best for him.
but he would reject it straight on my face.
OK. might be my suggestions are stupid.
but it would be a great shock..
if, his frds would say the same thing as what i said..
and he would follow it!!
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!
argghhhhhhh!
ok..
really really...
i want to get the op done now so that i dun have to face him again!
im so so dissapointed.
ok this thing doesnt happened once ok.

i'm so upset can?
and its hard for me to tell him how i feel.
cos i think he doesnt seems to understand it.
i think i jus keep it to myself..
betta?
im sooo crying can?
im so dissapointed that i cant really express my feelings!!
damn shit!

ok gals!!
try putting urself in my shoes.
what would u do if someone else talk bad abt ur guy?
for sure u gonna stand up for him yea?
i did that for him..
u know what i get in return?
S.C.O.L.D.I.N.G!
cam siak kan?

super tk adil sak.
biler aku express feeling sku pon susah.
biler aku remind dier aper yg org pernah buat kat dier pon susah.
then utk aper ada guy sak!
baik hidop sorg!
arghhh!!!

hopefully around this mth..
i can my op for my kneecap done.
so that i gt time to recover and get back down to YEAR 3.
which is coming up JULY..
WOW!!

whateva it is..
im soo dissapointed wid u
i dun think u realise it
its okla. im used to it :(

2009-04-16T01:27:00.002+08:00

im so dissapointed.
VERY DISAPPOINTED!
there were few issues that im unhappy about.

History Group work was such a disaster!
seriously
in my grp there is not grp leader.
bcos non of us wanna shoulder the responsibility.
yea.
my grp was like..
hmm
noone will do the work thgy.
i have to do somethg.
yaa.
i did instructed them to get their ass off to work.
everythg was fibne then.
but then
there will b always a BLACK SHEEP!
arghh! i tell ya. he understand neither english or malay!!
how i wish i could jus walk-off the grp!
fucking irritating bustard.
he will give u that one thousand and one reasons for not giving me his work.
CB!
but nevertheless.
we managed to complete it la.
:)

2nd issue was about trust between me and my parents.
i nvr wanna ask so muchf frm them.
all i need is the basic trust.
i cant really reveal what happen la.
some how i strong believe that i have changed
im no longer back to my old behaviour.
but did my parents c that?
especially my mom.
i was in the middle of the tutorial.
she rang me up.
was unable to pick up.
my bro msg me saying that my mom has somethg to say.
called up..
she jus pissed me off.
w/o askin me where i am or what am i doing.
she conclude that i did somethg.
somethg that i nvr gonna repeat again.
argh.....

3 issue was BGR.
ok
no longer boy girl la.
all mature up already.
yea
exectly.. be mature.
its all the same old story folks!

4th issue was about..
a long frd of mine
jus broke up
then gt a chance to me n the gang
she wanted me to join in.
but when im wid her.
she acting bitchy.
she ignoring me.
she is all wid the guys.
attracting attention.
i know someone out there who is reading this post wont agree.
and surely will side her!
bcos she is ur frien!
hey!
tell u what! im FINE!
SO GO FUCK HER OK!!!
I dun care anymore!!

so lets summerised.
i feel been used.
i feel that ppl use me when they only need help.
my god.
im so dissapointed.
he dun even side me at all.

but hey i gt a piece of gd news.
a frd of mine.
his mother asked me to design a Business Card for her.
yea!
my 1st ever project ppl!
im not sure if im gonna do a gd work.
but yea, i will try.

dear god..
pls..
pls..
give me the strength to carry on this journey.
wid assessments coming up.
i hope that u will give me the strength.
pls god.. pls.

2009-04-13T03:53:00.000+08:00

ok.

i still love ya.

2009-04-13T03:46:00.002+08:00

i might have confess to u that
i wont let u go tht easily.
but i can change my mind easily.

i might want to let u go.
gone for good.
i jus hate the way u react!

2009-04-10T05:03:00.006+08:00

The test out shot. 1st ever picture taken using D60.

this is how fugly sharul's phone is!! akakakakak!!!

this one. our army boy jus gt promoted. yeaa.. sewing his rank. hahahaha

2009-04-10T04:54:00.002+08:00

i mention about my newly hubby..

did i??

hahahah!

yey! NIKON D60!
welcome home!
due to time constrain..
i gt not much time to play wid my new HUBBY!

SOON..
when assessments are over!
im going to make my hubby work!
hahaha. for now let it rest for awhile. ahahaha

2009-04-07T03:36:00.002+08:00

i cried again last time.
my bed was full of tears.
how am i suppose to carry on my path?

it hurts so badly.
i think that this is the best way of all.

i dunno if im doing the right thing after all.
my brain is not functing at all.
my life is in mess now.
better now or never.

arghhhhhhhh!!!!

2009-04-06T03:45:00.002+08:00

it's almost 4.
gonna have class at 9 later..
which means.. 2 hrs of sleep?
ahahah.

anyway.
i bought the D60 already.
such a great cam.
well..
c the price la.

some issues bothers me alot.

i feel weird.
ahaha. nvm.

relationship.
ok.. i knw.
i mention alot of time abt breaking off.
recently.
i feel as if im not needed.
been 7 yrs.
i dun mind puttin it to a full stop now then both of us suffer much more later.
call me heartless.
i dun mind.
i tired off all the games that he is playing wid.
i think it better to let it go
i think that im jus a burden to him.
im only make or get him into troubles.
i jus dont want to waste my tears over someone who dun even appreaciate it.

i dun know what does he take me as.
i dunno who am i to him.
i dunno y he keep doing this to me.

Dear Adan,
if u r reading this post.
all i can say that i am sorry.
im jus a burden to ya.
i think by me backing off.
life would be much better.
im jus a bitch to ya.
i hope u lead a better life than before.
w/o me...
u can achieve what u want better.
all the best in ur upcoming life.
i can ensure that i wont enter to urs again...

your's truefully
Syira..

2009-04-03T03:49:00.002+08:00

if u guys read my previous post.
i mention something about getting a DSLR.
hell ya.
my dad jus give me cash.
BAHHHHHHHHHH!!
tell u
i feel damn bad can?
im soooo reluctant to accept.
i told him that DSLR can wait.
even my mom say so.
he jus simply say...
he gt enough money. what?
bah..

what u guys will do if u r in my position??

2009-04-01T23:04:00.003+08:00

suddenly i felt like bloggin.hais.

i asked my dad to get for me a DSLR.

he agree to it.

it was for my own use and skol use also la.

then jus now.

my bro phone bill came.

his bill was 1oo+ bucks.

he gt pissed off.

i was sleepin.

not in really good shape this few days.

gt gastric.

he shouted at my bro that makes me woke up from my beauty sleep.

he is also getting his eye OP next mth.
which cost money.
its all about money issue.

i was taking loooong cold bath while thinkin abt the situation
i decided to give in.

after bath, i wanted to tell my mom about the issue.

but b4 hand,

my dad asked me.

i say dun need. i use whateva i gt.

he kind of disagree.

i nvr look at him while talking.

i dunno...

i feel...

arghh!!!

nvm.. then he went to his room.

i told my mom to pay up my bro's bill..

and make sure tht my dad gt the OP done.
yea..

i think it is all about sacrificing.

b4..

i was the bad egg in the family.

i think now is the pay back time.

i want to do something for my family.

its a lie if i say im ok.

deep in me.

im abit dissapointed.

but yea..

im fine.

rocky relationship on the rocks.

hahaz.

u guys know what i meant.....

bb all!!

2009-03-14T02:34:00.008+08:00

it was 26 of feb when i received a call from sharul.

i wasnt in great shape that day.

apart from my 1st day period...my kneecap is acting up.
ouh.. for some ppl that dunno.. yea

i do have kneecap problems.

btw.

i was jus finish print my stuff of the assessments..
sharul called.
at 1st i heard that he said he pants zip koyak..

then he wanted to drop by my school.

so i was wtf..

kalau zip selua kau koyak..

asal kau nak dtg sini?

then i heard he said..

byk darah kelua..

i was like.. zip selua koyak.. abis byk darah kelua la.?

doesnt make any sense!!

then i ask him.. ehh selua kau koyak asal darah kelua ehh?

then he shout at me la..

"LIPS ABANG KOYAK LA!!!"

WAHHH.. shiok!!

at that point of time i was at Sunshine plaza.

panic already la.

so he decided to meet me at dhoby ghout station.

put down the phone run to SMU..

buy Mr bean pancakes for him.. and one for myself la. havent eat the whole day mah

thought he might be hungry..

called up my mom.. she told me to call my dad.. bah

than run to dhoby ghout mrt station despite the 'painest' of my kneecap..

then i bought for him mineral water.. to wash the blood.. some tissue along also..

when he reached...

So i called up my dad..

my dad marah me for his mistakes??

like wtf...???

hais..

then after few mins..

our family missy Suriah called me up.

for sure my dad called her up since she work that..

its good that she assist me..

she is waiting for me at the ER area.. i was like oh ok..

sumpah aku tak tahu mana tu..

ahahah..

best thing we took the train to TTSH.. ahahah

along the way..

i ask him how he got himself to that stage.

he said he hit his sch locker..

sounds suspicious..

at last he confess to me only that his friend pushed him la.

they were joking around that time. bah!!!

missy was there. she was if me the whole process la.

best ting lum pergi treatment they asked for payment.

wah. i gt no cash wid me la.

lucky she was there.

$85 bucks ok!!

my dad paid her back after that la..
reached here..

yea..

he gt himself 3 stitches..

hahaha!!! ........

it was swollen for few days la. pity him..

cannot laugh..

cannot eat..

ahahahah.

............................................................................

i been busy lately.

so ya...

no proper updates..

im sorry ya..

NAFA IS KILLING ME!!

hahah so much work to do...

hehhee

ah ya.

i jus came from cousins dinner!!

yey!!
Zul (zuldevil).. sarinah (the ex-bride)...suriah( missy) were there lor.

chat..laugh.. ahahhaah.

ouh ya

we planned to go ubin next week!!

should be great ya!!

cant wait for next week event.. sharul also joining us ehh!! FUNNNNNNNNN!!!

ok off to bed!!

bb..

later got date ehh.. must sleep now!!!

2009-02-25T14:33:00.001+08:00

very very busy wif assessments can?

will be back soon!!

to all NAFAIANS..

work hard!!

2009-02-06T03:20:00.001+08:00

credits goes to Zuldevil aka my cousin aka personal lecturer.

btw.my brand new laptop. thx dad:)

2009-02-05T04:14:00.002+08:00

remembered my cousin got married last july.

entah tiba2 aku nak post gambar ni.

i like the baju she wearing.

of course dier badan kurus boleh la.

cuba kalau aku. habis koyak.

anyway. i looked funny on this pics

jus put aside the expression part la.

dun u guys think that my face abit orange2.. abit tan?

takpe la.

2009-02-05T02:54:00.002+08:00

i been busy wif skol work.
tons and tons of them pilling up ya all.
having fear that i cant manage them.
bt i was lucky enuf that my cousin Zul, was able to help me out.
dun mention about lack of sleep.
jus now i went to skol wid only 1 1/2 hrs of sleep.
when i reached class.. i gt to find out that our lecturer extend our time.
its for the make up lessons.
none of us know.
i didnt bring much stuff wid me.
its only week 4.. im panicking now.
hahaha.

yesterday..
i had a chat wid Zul..
ok
almost everyday we chat...
i told him that my dad wanted me to continue doing degree after diploma.
hmmm.
i thought of it..
i wanted to do hotel management.....
hmm
im not so sure if NUS or NTU has that course.
n i wondered if i can use my dad CPF to pay for school fees?
yeah.. i decided to work fuckin hard this time round..
i feel that im not being myself some times.
hahaha..

anyway..
its only week 4 of the term..
but then i feel the pressure.
it is as if its already week 7.
omg.
i got super many work to complete.
n my target is not to jus finish them.
but finished it wit good quality.
how abt that?
does not sound like me ya?
hahaha..

psstt..
my dad jus got me a new laptop.
laptop of my own choice. haha
its acer aspire 6530.
not bad i shall say.
its huge enuf..
n heavy tho.
damn heavy.
but the good thing is that..
i can loss weight.

ok. i get back to work can?
see ya..

2009-01-17T18:31:00.003+08:00

i dunno whats my mistake.
i dunno what is the issue.
i dunno if taking a breath for a moment gonna turn to big issue
is it wrong for me to have a moment on my own
is it a sin?

i dunno how far u wanna go
i dunno if this is the way that u r torturing me
but is it worth it?
i dunno until when i have to burst into tears
i dunno now many times i have to stay strong to keep this relationship stay on
this time round..
my heart really feel the pain.
it hurt so badly.
no words can describe
sometimes i wonder,
do i deserve better?
is this the treatment that i deserve?

i do envy gals that has a caring partner.
someone that really cares about them.
i guess i lack of everythg
is it jus my luck?
when he needed me.. i was by his side.
now... when i jus need someone to talk to who shall i turn to?

new semester has jus begin.
this time round all modules are very much challenging.
i dunno if could have the strength to carry on

who would i call late in the midnite to shout my heart out?
who would be my side this time for me to ask opinion about my work
who would b by side to accompany me at the print shop?
who will tuck me to sleep evey nite?

jus who would do that?

2009-01-08T01:12:00.004+08:00

it gonna be super dupper long post people.
jus tolerate wif me. anyway it's jus my blog ya all...

i've wanted to update. there again...
im too lazy...
bored...
insufficent story...
there goes..
been days since i update..
im gonna sent back my laptop for the 12345678901375685439829 times to HP.
Due to stupid service that they provide... i need t get my lappy service before i
got really busy wif skol.
anyway.. skol starts next week!! im all prepared for the upcoming challenges ahead.
i aim above 3 points for my coming exams. i wanna do my hardest this time round.

as many of u might know between me n my dad we aint that close..
but recently...
he been more friendly to me..
i was watching tv on monday....
my dad wanted to pay the bills. but then..
he gt no frd to accompany him...
he asked mt to tag along..
i get changed quickly...
followed him...
i thought the whole time we gonna keep remain silence..
but....
my dad started the conversations about skol... relationships.. working lifes..
so much....
i felt so happy at that moment. after more than 5 yrs we hardly talked to each other...
i know even we hardly talk... he still loves me..

i been sick lately..
really sick..
my flu hasnt get away.
im wanna be fully healthy when new term starts
so that i can give my full concentration to skol work.
i hate flu... damn it!!!

after 3 yrs of findin..
i met him.....
so unexpected..
but i didnt put any hope....
neither i the feelings came back...
im glad.. im ok..

2009-01-01T19:02:00.002+08:00

has been ages i updated my dusty blog.
nothg much has happened.
i went to countdown yesterday.
i went out early.
wif adan OF COURSE.
while waiting for the fireworks,
we walked all the way to clarke quay.
damn crowded.
it like full of bangla(s) haaha.
waited for sharul.
the off to firework.
woot.
im bored!
!@#$%^&*

2008-12-19T02:41:00.003+08:00

i went to accompany ayu jus now to receive her GCE-N level result.
i wanted to follow my brother; Sharul..
but he is acting cool. he said he didnt need me.
oh well.
i dun mind at all.
but at least.
i managed to go back to my old school ya.
i miss the smell.
i miss everythg.

so i went out early.
n i took the normal route to school.
im afraid that she might be late b'cos of me.
end up.
i reach there early.
hahaha.
so while waiting for her,
i sat infront of school.
one by one...
old memories came.

i remembered going to school wif Adan every morning.
i remembered we fought along the way to school
i remembered we run away from Mr. Taufik b'cos of our ankel socks.
i remembered he sound stead me behind the school hall.
i remembered the 1st kiss that he gave me right after i accepted him infront of school.
i remembered i faint during national day as i was part of the NPCC contigent.
i remembered dancing for teacher's day as a group wif him.
i remembered he cried at hall staircase when i asked for break up.
i remembered i tried to make him jealous wif my new boyfriend.
i remembered u tried to me jealous wif ur new girlfriend.(he pretend hugging her.hahaha)
i remembered we patched up back on 190103 under fahmi's blk.
i remembered u gave me a bouquet of red roses during my birthday.
i remembered u waited for me until 6 pm jus to go back together after my remedial.
i remembered u slapped me on my face and leave a scar.
i remembered that u had this bad habit of punching the wall and u bleed when u are angry wif me.
i remembered u came straight away to my place when i was on MC.
i remembered u wispered 'i love u' softly to my ears.

i still remembered every single thing that happened between us.
n i remembered to love u to every single second of my life..

ps: i love you.

2008-12-18T04:42:00.002+08:00

i know that i've been selfish for the most of the time.

i want him by my side all the time

w/o sharing wif anyone.

till i forget that he has his own commitment wif his family.

now his parents has gone saperate ways.

he is now the head of the family.

but then what will happened to me?

will he throw me one side?

n let me survive on my own?

2008-12-18T02:47:00.001+08:00

life isnt that great.

im not the perfect.

but

i'll help u

2008-12-10T23:19:00.004+08:00

i was MSNing with fiza last night..

she asked me.. kau tk blog?

hahaha...

i wanted to blog but jus that no mood.

well..

as u guys know..
Adan has safely touch down spore.

and now back down to his camp.

i got to spent most of the time with him.

yea

it was so much fun..

and ya i miss him alot

he bought for me a couple of stuff.

sari, a scarf and bollywood skirt.

hmmm..

what else??

hmm...

actually i wanted this huge fancy earing that the bollywood artist wear.

but due to the mumbai attcak..

they cant go anywhere.

they actually going to the taj hotel; where the bombing occur.

so ya.. thank god they were all fine ya.

so lets summerise...

i still need more time to spent with him. :)

2008-12-01T13:07:00.001+08:00

he's back....!!!!
im so speechless....

2008-12-01T01:19:00.001+08:00

im counting down the hours...

2008-11-27T23:00:00.002+08:00

im so worried about him.

if u keep update about current affairs.

there's this bombing thingy going on in Mumbai.

adan.. still at INDIA..

im so takut now!!!

Ya Allah Ya Tuhan ku,

kau lindungi la Adan dan sahabat2nya dalam perjalanan pulang ke tanahairnya.

semoga engkau melindungi nya selalu..

AMIN!!!!

2008-11-26T02:04:00.002+08:00

WE WILL MEET AGAIN IN

5 MORE DAYS!!

2008-11-25T21:41:00.002+08:00

maybe now..
i being to understand y all this happened.
y my life route is this way.
it's my destiny.
in some ways..
i have to accept it ya..

Chapter 20 of ma life that i'm going through now
ain't that fantasic.
neither do i enjoy it.

i meet wif 2 different person in 2 different world at the same time
great isn't it?
maybe there is something that god wanna tell me..
or god...
wanna make things fair for me..
enjoying the one i love at the same time..
thanks.. god..
i understand..
whateva my fate would be...
i accept it wif open heart..

2008-11-24T03:01:00.002+08:00

i might not b so lucky..
getting all the things that i need..
its all god's will.

sometimes u get irritated..
u know u wont get it..
but every single day..
u kept thinking about it
how abt that?
some days u might end up in IMH.

MEMORIES.
a word that leads to different pathways.
into different route.

u actually know which way u should take.
u know it better.
but..
ur heart keep saying..
'hey let's another route! c what happened'
or is it my heart been so mean to me?

i showed him
he has found someone new.
and his life will go on
and im all alone.
but..
i showed him..once.
what is life all about.

what if one day....
we have to let go.
let go of our hands..
we walked to our different route...
how will u managed it?
can u do it?
can u?
me?
i
dun
know.

ok peeps. if u dun understand my current post.. its ok.
jus a mixed thoughts..
neither i understand..
hahaha..
have a nice day...
niteynitey....

2008-11-22T01:01:00.004+08:00

8 more days.. n im getting sick of counting down.

anyway this picture taken.. while we were fighting.

hohohoho.

i know it is so random.

but im jus bored here. damn bored people.

I HAVE ISSUES!

firstly..WEIGHT ISSUE!

harder i try to control my diet..

the more i ended up eating.

haiya.. die le like this.

second..Boredness

Adan only coming back on the 1 Dec.

n i'm free till that day. but people, listern..

what i should i do until that day?

FUCKING IDIOTIC BOREDNESS..

maybe i should pretend2 look for job. ah ha!!

ya right?!!!

hmm. should i do timetable?

monday: Sleep until 2pm..(hahahah)

tuesday: Go dhoby ghout... print some stuff...

wednesday: clean up my room pt1

thrusday: clean up my room pt2

friday: visit mummy work place.. n do nothg..

Saturday...DO NOTHING

SUNDAY.. COUNTING DOWN THE HOURS LEFT TO MEET ADAN!!

wooot. how about that?

third.. Old memories KILLS me!!!!

each time when u wake up from ur sleep.

all u wanna to do is.. smile..

n hope the day that u go through will b a pleasent one.

how about a twist?

waking up..

feeling sooooooo DISHEARTEN...

u keep feeling so retarded.

hopefully u can change the past.

so that i can live better now.

i kept dream of my secondary school life.

all the CCA's.. Remedials stuff..

it's horrible. i dun wish to remember any of it.

cos my heart aches each time..

that someone comes into the picture.

haiyo!!!!!

i wanna bobok!!!!!!

niteynitey!

2008-11-21T02:01:00.002+08:00

ok people...

9 MORE HORRIBLE DAYS TO GO!!!

is there anythg that i can do to make the days go faster?

any suggestions?

2008-11-20T01:07:00.002+08:00

10 MORE FRAKING DAYS TO GO!!!!!

2008-11-19T02:56:00.002+08:00

the last picture that we took before he went.

gonna be 11 more days..

hell yea!!

11 more days of suffering people.

sometimes..

u THINK..

u can SURVIVE

w/o the one hu has been on urside.

i have always have this thoughts that i can make it w/o him

.....

but HELL NO!!

as for me.

im lucky that he was gone during the assessments period.

even one of my close friends were shocked.

she like.. is this ur work?

hell ya..

she told me i work better w/o him by myside.

hahaha..

i have always wanted to improve my work someohow.

some people around me gave me negetive comments,

like.

if i were to be in ur shoes.

i guess i would score higher grades than u do...

or even compare my work with his/her work

like..

ok ok..

im jus a beginner here..

i know that im sux la..

but u dun....

haix..

nvm...

anyway good nite people.....

could u jus fly over by my side now? pls..

2008-11-17T15:31:00.002+08:00

This post is specially dedicated to Adan..

Dear,
If you are reading this post, i jus wanna u to know that u mean so much to me. I know that u been reading my previous post.. n u are literally upset wit that. Im so sorry if i broke ur heart. but then.. its was before dear. i begin to realise everythg after u have gone. i dun know to express everythg to u. without u im lost.. i thought i can survive without u. i thought that i can make it through. but then... nah.. i can't make it.
u mean so much to me.. so much.. jus hope that we can go on as usual.. im so sorry if ireally hurt u.
i love u more than anythg else in this world.
im counting down the days to meet u.. i miss u lots...

Your's Sincerely
SYIRA

2008-11-15T23:43:00.002+08:00

15 more days to go..

feels like i have to encounter another 15 more years.

bah..

it is such a horrible feeling man..

im so lost.

its like

u have the map on ur hands..

u know where to go

but then..

u feel unsure about the route that u gonna go

because there is noone beside you to lead the way...

...

i jus need him..

need him badly

baby come back to me....

pls...

2008-11-13T17:51:00.005+08:00

these three work are part of my Design Drawing assessments work.

we've to do 10 drawings different expressions..

different angles and stuff.

i really put in alot of effort on design drawings compared to others..

besides this i gt photography, digital media, visual studies,advertising and graphics to complete as well.

i managed to complete all this work in 3 weeks.

NAFA cheat us!

they told us that asssessments is on week 9.

BUT THEN..

they push everythg in weeek 8!!

like HELLO!!!!

WE GOT ALOT OF WORK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway..

im glad.

that i managed to finish everythg on time..

thank god for giving me the strength throughout this time..

2008-11-13T15:56:00.003+08:00

Year 2 Semester 1 Term 2 PRESENTATIONS

12 November 2008

i love my class like nobody's business ok?

the fun n laughter that we all went through.

not forgetting the STRESS that we faced together!

hahahaha.

i'll b blogging about my assessments real soon..